I sit in a room where I can only see nothing but walls,
everything else is non-living but the walls… It’s like they can see me as if
they understand my expressions and feel for me by making a move, bending their
human-like faces to a side as they look straight through my eyes…
I think and think again until my brain is in pain from
thinking too much, creating more than what there already is, wanting to explode
by watching a scenario of what my mind has set up to play by using the events
in my life becoming series of what stress can cause you and all I want is to
feel nothing but freedom… freedom of mind is what I crave for in a prisoned
soul.
Then I come up with a simple method to feel numb, which is
by far one the best things I can do in a mad world full of ups and downs which
can only be watched through a window without making a move to stop the bad and
the good from turning themselves in to pieces of disgust which is what our mind
can lead us to do as a result of overthinking of not thinking at all…Never a
balance! Oh yes, and here comes to mind the famous wise words of a very wise
man who once told a nation; “We think too much and feel too little”… but what
if sometimes thinking less and feeling too much is what breaks us down bringing
on the pain of regret.
I try to escape the walls in the living room by feeling
pitiful in their eyes and walk in to my room, which I call my sanctuary, filled
with my energy … the positive and negative vibes of what I have felt till this
day…oh it feels heavenly and so warm with bright colours that do not match but which
create a trippy journey in to my own dream land where I rule… this is my home…my
room!
My emotions now shifted from feeling pathetic and useless
into feeling slightly mellow! I’m not hurt to feel negative but I’m not pleased
with what I see through my projection of life to feel happy… My mind and
thoughts are blank as if they’re stoned, I just don’t want to think no longer!
What can I do to change this? Where can I start from? What is the problem? "Questions to be answered" is all I can think of for the moment…
I pick up a lighter and light it so I can give life to an
incense releasing the smoke of Opium into my lungs and feel…relaxed! I breathe
in and create a form of cell on my bed by grabbing my headphones and laptop to
start off, in my words, the angel sessions… Music begins with a beat so
beautiful everything suddenly disappears... You wonder, what can be so
beautiful to erase all the questions raised, it’s simple…Just like everyone
else I have a special place I like to visit because it makes me feel good just
by being there and doing nothing but listen to music. The beat touches me and
it’s so soothing my pulse rate drops, my muscles relax and I find what I am
looking for…peace. I feel it in my veins as it pulls my strings and soul to rise
in to the light… and so I let go… I let it evolve around me as I sink in to the
music. Music is there to feel not to listen to without emotions, you have to
feel it, let it captivate your body and mind!
Suddenly, I’m inspired. I finally come face to face with my
inner goddess making out with my inner peace aggressively, as if they were
apart for so long, all they needed was inspiration for them to re-join. Now I
feel ready to think of all that has happened without being forced to come up
with a solution to what has been going on. The only rational answer I can come
up with is the thought of whatever happens in life is for a reason…it’s to
happen so that I can become me!
As I appreciate a masterpiece of what sounds can create, I
say...
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